[Act 1, Scene 1. Cafeteria, Lawndale High. DARIA is sitting alone at a table. TANYA, a one of the semi-disposable characters they use for backgrounds, walks up to the table where Daria is sitting.]
Tanya Uh, Dara?
Daria Its Daria.
Tanya Oh. [sheepish look on her face] So [pause] uh, can I here sit with you?
Daria Only if you want to.
Tanya Oh. [pause][sits down]
Daria [continues eating for a while] So...what brings you here?
Tanya Oh, uh, nothing. [pause] Say, uh, have you ever read The Bell Jar?
Daria [looks suspiciously at Tanya for a moment] Not recently. I always found Sylvia Plath too upbeat for my tastes.
Tanya Uh, really? Oh. [pause]I just figured, you know, it would be your kind of thing, right? [pause] Uhm, Daria...
Daria What is it? You haven't said a word to me this whole year, now your acting like you're asking your parents for a new car.
Tanya [visible flustered] I'm sorry, I didn't...I mean its just...
[JANE walks up behind Tanya]
Jane Just what?
Tanya [suddenly sits up straight, with a surprised look on her face] [whimpers]
Daria We were just talking about her favorite author [pause] I guess.
Tanya [looking dejectedly down at table] I, uh, I'm sorry, I'd better just, you know, get going.
Jane Hold on just one teensy moment here. What were you gonna say a moment ago?
Tanya Uh, well, its just, uh...well...I saw Daria alone, you know, and I thought maybe...well...
Jane Out with it.
Tanya I thought maybe, you know, the two of you broke up or something.
Daria Excuse me? [pause] We were never...
Jane I thought so.
Daria ...together in the first place.
Jane People have been looking at a us little too funny lately.
Tanya Well, uh, you know, it OK with me. I mean, I can understand that you don't want people to know and all. You can be honest with me if you want.
Daria There's nothing to know. Jane and I are just friends.
Jane So, who told you that the two of us were together, anyway?
Tanya [eyes shifting around] Well, uh, Evan told me about it in Economics class. He said...
Jane I knew it! [pounds fist on table]
Tanya ...that you quit the track team because Daria was gonna break up with you if you didn't.
Jane That slimy jerk has been spreading lies about me ever since I blew him off.
Daria Listen, Tanya, calm down.
Jane I'm gonna see that he dies slooow.
Daria I know what its like to be here in a school full of people who don't understand you. But just because me and Jane are close friends doesn't mean anything else. Look, I'm actually kind of flattered that you wanted to ask me out, but I'm really just not interested in women.
Tanya Uh, listen, I'm really sorry about all this...
Daria Don't be. Its probably the best thing any of the other students here have said to me the whole time I've been here.
Tanya Uh...[perplexed look on her face] OK. Sure. [gets up and walks away]
[Scene 2. Sidewalk]
Daria So, what do you have in mind for Evan? Drawing and quartering?
Jane Naah, that's too easy. This one will take a special touch.
Daria Just don't let the police find the body.
Jane It would be to much trouble to kill him. I think I'll go for something a bit more subtle.
Daria I don't like that sound of that.
Jane It'll be fun. You can even watch him squirm with me. [pause] Say, does Quinn still have that laptop computer your folks gave her?
Daria I think its in her closet somewhere.
Jane Great. I'll need you to [pause] appropriate it for me.
[Scene 3. Morgendorfer home, upstairs. Daria is just walking to the top of the flight.]
Jane [Offscreen, whisper] Is the coast clear?
Daria Looks like it.
[Jane comes up the stairs]
Jane Great. I'll just be a moment.
Daria Are you sure you know how to do this?
Jane Piece of cake. [pulls out lockpick] I break into the school offices like this all the time. [fiddles with door to Quinn's room] Viola! [door opens]
Daria [looking into room] Let's get this over with. I can only take this place for so long.
Jane Yeah. [opens Quinn's closet] Here goes nothing. [roots around in bottom of closet for a while pulls out a PowerBook] Here's the rascal now.
[Daria and Jane leave room]
Jane Thanks for the help. [walks down the stairs]
[Scene 5. living room, facing front door. Jane is looking around corner when phone rings. QUINN rushes in and picks it up.]
Quinn [loudly] I've got it! [turns back to door] Oh, hi, aunt, uh, Annie.
[Jane sneaks out door while Quinn's back is turned]
Quinn Oh, yeah, sorry Aunt Amy. Anyway, Mom's not home right now. [pause] Oh. Sure, I think she's up in her room. [holds hand over phone] [loudly] Daria! Its for you!
Quinn Listen, do you want me to take a message for mom or something? Oh. OK, sure, I can keep a secret.
Daria [offscreen, loudly] I've got it!
[Scene 6. Daria's bedroom. Daria is facing the camera, holding a picture frame up. She looks at it with a distinctly sad look on her face; a single tear rolls down her left cheek. A car horn honks off in the distance.
Daria sets the picture down on her desk, wipes away the tear, and walks out of the room.
Closeup shot of the picture frame: a single, yellowing airline ticket.]
[Scene 7. Sidewalk in front of Morgendorffer house. TRENT's car is idling by the curb. He honks the horn again.
Daria walks up to car with a large bag, and climbs into front seat.]
[cut shot - wide view of car from front. Jane is in the back seat.]
Trent Hey, Daria.
Jane So, what going on? Its got to be serious seeing how you actually asked for Trent to come along.
Daria Yeah, it is kinda important. [pause] Listen, I've got a big favor to ask you.
Trent Sure thing, Daria.
Daria I need you to drive me to the Middleton Airport. Right now.
Jane You've finally decided to make a break for freedom? [mimicking Jake] Good for you, kiddo.
Trent Are you sure you want to do this Daria? Its kinda a radical move, y'know.
Daria I'm not running away. I just need to get to the airport.
Jane What's so damn important?
Daria [looking out window wistfully] I told you about my Aunt Amy, right? [pause] Well [pause] she's promised to take me to see my real father.
[Look of utter surprise on Jane and Trent's faces]
[Act one closing.]