Talkin' Smack

an El Goonish Shive one-shot fanfic
by Schol-R-LEA;2

"...totally did her, man! She was beggin' for it!"

Overhearing Tony boasting to the rest of the team again, Sam groaned.

Turning the corner around the lockers, he asked, "Who are you talking about this time, Tony? Melanie? Sandra? Connie?" He was tired of hearing about his friend's 'girls', most of whom he knew wouldn't give him the time of day - even though Tony was the QB on the best team the school had had in years. He hoped it wasn't Consuela, again; she had some very mean older brothers.

"Ellen, man! Damn, I don't care if she's ol' Demon's cousin, she was hot in the sack!"

Sam's jaw dropped to the floor. He stood there dumbfounded while Tony rattled on about what he'd done with her. Finally, as the other players all left, he managed to croak out, "Have you lost you @!#$ing mind?"

"Dude, chill! I'm just tellin' it like it was."

"Elliot's sister..."

"Huh? Sister?"

Didn't Tony hear about that? "Yeah," Sam mumbled, "The whole cousin thing was some kind of, well I dunno, but the way I heard it she was really his twin, but got adopted or switched at birth or something. The rumors about it were weird, something about that goo-thing and weird kung-fu or something."

"So then why isn't she in school?"

"Uhm, someone told me she was going to be at South High, I think." He then added, "That's not the point! You don't really think anyone's gonna believe you about that? Dude, everyone saw the way she pounded you into ground."

"Hey, it wasn't like that, she jumped me! You saw it!" regaining his composure a bit, Tony continued, "Besides, you didn't see how she came back to me later in the parking lot. She was really hot for me."

Sam winced again, "Don't say that $%@, man! What if Elliot..."

The next thing he knew, there was a flash of light, a bright blue blur and a rush of air where Tony had been, and a crashing sound down on the other side of the locker room.

"... hears... you..."

With a sigh and a shrug, Sam went to go get the school nurse. Again.