A new College Roomies from Hell! fanfic story, with reference to the Fans! crossover.
DISCLAIMER: All these characters belong to Maritza Campos, and I make no claim on them except fair use.
"I've got it!" yelled Mike; he was standing near the doorway anyway, and making Dave or Roger open it wouldn't be worth the satisfaction. Besides, He'd been expecting Marsha, and wanted to impress her.
Instead of his girlfriend, however, he found himself facing an UpEx courier.
"You Mike Green?" the man asked."I got a package for you from a ..." he paused to read the label, "Katherine Smit."
"Gimme that!" Mike rasped, glaring. He snatched the pen from courier's hand and signed the receipt it in a single motion.
Mike wrapped his tentacle around the large box a closely as he could. If this was from Kath, there was no way he was gonna let anyone know about...
"Yo, Mike, you got something from Chubby Cheeks? What is it?"
Trying his best to keep his body between the box and Dave, he retorted, "I don't know what you talking about."
"Then what's the package you've got there?" He waited a moment for an answer, but then a flash of movement down the hall made he say, "OK, sure, whatever. But what ever you do," he then raised his voice intentionally, "DON'T LET MARSHA FIND OUT!"
"Find out what?" said Marsha, who was now standing behind Mike. "What's with the box, anyway?"
"What, this suspiciously large box that just happens to be postmarked from Billberg?" Dave cheerfully interjected.
"Billberg?" Marsha's eyes flared. "From Kath, you mean!"
"It's not like that!" Mike shouted, swinging the box back and forth trying to keep it from both of them. "I don't even know what it is yet!"
"I can fix that!" shouted Dave back, as he clawed at the box. Managing to get a firm grip, he tore off one side of it, spilling over a dozen smaller, black boxes across the hallway floor.
"Videotapes? What the hell?" Mike then looked at his roomate and said, "Hey! Watch it! You're gonna break those!"
"Jeez," Said Dave, "there's gotta be twenty of them here. What are they, anyway?"
From behind Dave, Roger, holding one of them up, reads, "'Marmalade Boy' number 14? Sounds kinky..."
Meanwhile, while the guys were occupied with the tapes, Marsha grabbed the accompanying letter which had fluttered to the floor near her feet. Tearing it open, she read aloud,
Dear Mike, I know about you secret love for this sort of thing, so after talking with Rumi about it, I decided that this series might be to you liking. I hope you enjoy it. Love, Kath"Secret... Mike's secret... keeping a secret from me...AAAARGH!" Marsha screamed, as she ran out of the hallway into her room.
"That's IT!" Shouted Mike, "Both of you OUT OF THE APARTMENT!" He started grabbing the tapes off the floor and bringing them over towards the TV. I don't believe it, he thought, She knows my true weakness. He stared at the tape marked #1. If this is what I think it is, I don't dare let the other guys see it. locking the door behind himself, he grabbed a box of kleenex and put some water on the stove for a cup of tea.
Meanwhile, across the hall, Marsha was fuming.
"How DARE she? How COULD she? What is it she knows about it him that I don't?"
"Calm down, Marsha. I'm sure it isn't what it looks like." April tried to get her roomie to sit down and listen to reason, but Marsha was already plotting the details of Katherine's murder. Things didn't look good.
Margaret answered a knock at the door, and let Roger in. "Maybe you can talk some sense into her about this. You were there, after all."
"Uh, OK," he said then turned to Marsha and said "Listen, I'm sure it isn't what it sounds like. I snuck in for a moment, and it looked pretty inocuous. It's just a cartoon."
"A cartoon?" she said, visibly relieved. Then, after a moment's thought, she tensed up again. "Wait a minute. What kind of cartoon?"
"I couldn't tell. All I saw was the intro. I couldn't make out the titling, but the music was all in Japanese."
"JAPANESE!" Marsha shouted, "AAAAAI!"
"What the hell is wrong with that?" said April.
"What's wrong? A woman who is romantically interested in Mike sends him a whole lot of Japanese cartoons? To Mike? Don't you get it?"
"Huh?" the other three answered in unison.
"It can only mean one thing..." she said, eyes flaring with anger, "TENTACLE PORN!"
Looking at the stunned faces of the others, she sheepishly added, "Not that I'd know anything about that kind of thing..."
As gingerly as possible, a hand peered around a corner into the living room.
"Listen, I don't think this is really necessary..."
"Shut up and tell me what you see, Roger." Marsha was still peeved to find that Mike had disabled every single one of the cameras she'd placed in his apartment. She was relying on Roger's third eye to tell her what Mike was watching.
"It looks tame to me." he waited for a moment, and then added, "Though someone did just say something about a 'partner exchange'."
"I knew it!"
"Keep it down, willya? He's gonna hear you if we're not careful." he pulled his hand back from the corner.
"Hey! Keep watching!"
"No way, this is a waste of time. Everything that's happened so far is completely ordinary. I think it's just one of those romantic shows he's always sneaking around at night to watch."
"What? What are talking about? Since when does Mike like that sort of thing?"
"He always has. He's afraid of people knowing about it, I guess he thinks it would make him look soft or something. If you walk in while he's watching them, he quickly changes the channel to wrestling or something macho like that. Dave and I have been playing around with him about it for months."
"Your kidding..." said Marsha, stunned. "I never knew."
"Yeah." Roger cocked an ear, and added, "This show seems pretty g-rated. I mean, this Miki person is going on about a simple kiss, for crying out loud. There's nothing racy about it at all."
"Wait a minute, how could you tell? You weren't watching it!"
"Well, sure, but my hearing is pretty good."
"But you said it was subtitled!"
"Bap-psht! Did you think I was reading them the whole time? I don't wear a contact lens on this eye, you know."
"But... you understand Japanese?"
As Marsha went back into her place, April handed her a stack of printouts.
"I looked up this 'Marmalade Boy' show on the Net," she started, "You won't believe how popular it is. Anyway, there's nothing to be worried about, it's some kind of teen romance drama."
"Yeah..." Marsha answered weakly, "That's what Roger said. I still don't see..."
"Huh? You're not still thinking of going on safari in Billberg, are you?"
"No, nothing like that. It's just... I mean, we've been going out for months now, and it seems like I hardly know him."
"What? You mean you didn't know he liked romances?"
"You knew, too? Am I the only one in the dark about this here?"
"Hey, it's not like that," April said, "It's just, well, that copy of 'Gone with the Wind' I got for my birthday went missing a while ago, and I caught Mike putting it back the next day. He said he'd borrowed it for you, but I knew that you weren't around, so I put two and two together. Dave confirmed it for me a while back."
Marsha sat silently, too stunned to reply.
"Jeez, is it that big a deal to you? Why don't you go and talk to him about it?"
"While he's watching a tape that she sent him?"
"Why not? You know that he'll be in a sentimental mood..."
"You know, I can't argue with that. I'll be right back."
"Mike? You got a moment?"
"Huh?", he cried, as he rushed to stop the tape. "There's nothing to talk about," he said crossly.
"I just wanted to apologize about what I said earlier. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions like that." With a twinkle of her eyes, she slid onto the couch next to him. "Anyway, I was wondering why you never told me that you like romantic movies."
"Who told you that?" he retorted.
"Everybody. Well, everybody except Margaret that is."
"Oh, hell." he said, his face visibly fallen.
"What, you're pissed because your secret is out? It sounds like that's been true for a long time."
"No, now I'm woried that you'll want to go drag me off to every weepy film that comes along, knowing that I can't resist it."
"Don't be silly. I am not into that kind of thing." She made a mental note to do just that, as a way of getting back at him for keeping a secret from her again. Now I just have to figure out what to do to Kath....
"It's wierd," He said, grabbing the remote, "But..."
"...if you want to watch it...", he repeated, a few minutes later when April and Roger showed up.
"...I'll have to rewind it from the begining..." he said once more, as Dave and Margaret sat down.
"...once again..." he added after Diana and Paul stopped by.
"...BUT THIS IS THE LAST TIME, OK?" he finished, looking at all the people who were now crowded into the apartment.
Where the hell did they all come from?, he wondered. He knew Steve and Waldo, of course, and he recognized Ray and Pokono sitting at the foot of the couch, but who were those other two phish-heads next to them? And that guy behind Blue... wait a minute, when did she show up, anyway? And isn't that Mr. Dover and his wife making popcorn in the kitchen?
He shook his head in disbelief. "OK, folks, let's get this show on the road."
So they watched. And watched. And watched.
They watched the scandals,
the good and the bad,
all of it.
For thirty-eight hours straight.
And when they had seen the whole series, including the movie...
when they had gone through all nineteen of the tapes that Kath had sent to Mike...
they watched it again.