The Ceremonial Drunk


In all serious religions there is some kind of traditional way of bidding farewell to the dead. Finaglism is no exception, except where it comes to the serious part. In the Murphic tradition, death is an escape from the Region of Thud, if only a brief one; most Finaglist sects hold to the doctrine of reincarnation, on the basis that Ghod woudn't let us off that easy. Death, to us, is a joyous time, as long as it is someone else's. While we are sad to be missing our departed friend, we are also thankful not to have to put up with the good-for-nothing S.O.B. any more. This is the essence of the Ceremonial Drunk.

A Ceremonial Drunk is much like a New Orleans funeral, in that it is occupied by remembering the pleasant parts of the past while having one hell of a going-away party. It is considered good form to get so drunk that, come the next morning, you no longer even remember who it was who died. While most Ceremonial Drunks are fairly informal, consisting of going out on the town, toasting the deceased repeatedly, and getting thrown in the drunk tank, there is an optional Official Overly Elaborate Ritual which one can follow in whole or in part, adding what they wish. This Wholly Ronge, stolen from such famed works of science fiction and fantasy as Stranger in a Strange Land, Ender's Game, Dune, and The Holy Bible, goes something (but not much) like this :

The First Speaker (usually the person who speaks first) holds a balloon or glass full of red wine over a large bowl. He then says something pretentious and meaningful like : "The vessel of your life has been broken. Let us drink of your lifeblood, that we may grok you in fullness". The speaker then empties the glass (or breaks the balloon - it would be OK to break the glass instead, but the glass splinters would make the Grokking a lot harder) splashing the wine all over the place more often than not. The then speaker says, "I will speak for [the dead person's name]" and then proceeds to tell some story, preferably true, about the missing guest of honor. It doesn't have to be a flattering story; the idea is to share who the person was, warts and all. Then the speaker drinks from the bowl, and passes it on to the next person who has something to say. The bowl gets refilled as it is emptied, not necessarily with wine, and keeps getting passed around until everyone is loaded or has left to go do something more fun and less depressing.
After that, things usually degenerate.